Chapter twenty-four

Becca

It's been three days since Tanisha's death and I hadn't seen Kayden since. I decided to give him some space, he needed it, and so I won't be seeing him anytime soon. He hadn't been at work either, so Natasha had to take his place, which was quite annoying cos she kept popping up just like he used to. I was actually upset with him—for him. 

I can relate to him right now. Losing someone so close to cancer was one of the worst things in the world, on his birthday as well. I couldn't focus in college today, or work, I just kept thinking of Tanisha. Even though I never knew or met her, she was a great woman; just by the way Kayden would describe her. He loved her a lot. 

"Excuse me." I glanced up to the impatient customer holding up a hoody.

"Sorry," I grumbled. I had lost my trail of thought. I scanned the item, they paid and soon left.

I leaned on the counter and found myself going into deep thought mode again. This was it, init? This is how Kayden was going to be from now on; just depressed, and it will affect me too. I sighed and stayed behind the counter till my shift was over. As I left, I met up with Drake. He had asked me to follow him somewhere and I agreed. We both got on the bus and I peered out the window absentmindedly. I wasn't myself today, even at college some chick barged past me and I didn't say anything, I just wasn't bothered. I literally didn't have the energy.

He rested his head on my shoulder. "What's wrong, Punjib?"

I shook my head, dismissing it. "Nothing. Just feel a bit down." 

"Turn that frown upside down then girl," he said in a gay voice. I laughed lightly and he smiled. 

"Where are we going?" 

"I wanna get my ear pierced." I nodded slowly. "Actually nah, fuck that, my lip. Maybe my nipple, we'll see how it goes."

I laughed. "Crazy shit. Why the nipple?"

He shrugged. "Something different init. Or even the belly button, that shit is sexy!" 

"On girls it is, not boys." 

"I can make it work shawty." He winked. I shook my head and took his hat, placing it on my head instead. I had a habit of doing that.

We eventually reached Croydon and I followed him to the local chemist. In the end he decided to get his top lip done and began to sing the Shutterbug song as the woman proceeded. When it was over, he turned to the mirror and grinned. 

"Yeah man, sexiness." I laughed. Strangely it suited him. He got up and paid then turned to the Asian woman. "We'll be back soon. You'll be seeing a lot more of me, Claudia." He put both hands together and bowed. "Sayonara." She blinked repeatedly and he smiled and patted her head. She nodded slowly then we left. 

"Was that her name?" I questioned.

"Fuck knows, but it suited her well enough." I rolled my eyes. "She did it sick though." He kept touching the fresh piercing, poking at it with his finger.

"Does it hurt?" 

"Nah, it's cool." 

"Freak," I mumbled. 

"I know, and I fucking love it!" I laughed and he took me to KFC. These times I made it clear that I wasn't even hungry. "Choose summin'." He nodded his chin towards the menu eagerly.

"Don't want anything." 

"At least a piece of chicken, or a bit of beans. Something!"

I sighed in defeat. "Alright, I'll have an avalanche."

He stared at me blankly. "Chicken and chips it is." I kissed my teeth and he ordered. To take the piss he even got me a big assed Coke to go accompany it. I shook my head in dismay and we headed to the bus stop. He ate like an animal and I watched him in awe. 

"Slow down!" 

"I'm hungry," he announced, sucking on the bone. It made me shudder. The elderly white woman sat beside him watched in horror. He noticed and gave her a fiery glare. "What? Can't a black man enjoy his KFC outside in broad daylight? This ain't slave trade no more, it’s the 21st century. I should get to eat wherever I want, ya digg?" She swallowed hard and moved away. I couldn't help but laugh. 

"Awesome."

He winked and then frowned. "The food keeps getting stuck in here," he whined, moving his tongue around the piercing curiously. 

"Eat carefully." 

"There's no such ting as eating carefully. I'm black." That made me laugh. We soon boarded the bus and sat on the top deck. I decided to eat since this fucker kept watching me, waiting for me to do so. 

"Don't give me that look. You knew full well I wasn't hungry." 

"Don't care. Eat it."

I kissed my teeth and bit into the chicken. In the end I finished it all and left the remains in the bag next to me. He was too busy throwing his chips at passenger’s heads. It was like the cinema fiasco all over again, just without the popcorn. He threw a chip at a black man's bald head. The man spun around to glare at us, but we had already thought ahead and peered out the window, pretending we weren't involved. The man growled before facing the front again. I stifled a giggle while Drake analysed the man closely.

"I'd love to slap that head," He mused.

I smiled in return. "I wanna slap my managers. It's shiny."

"Yeah, I've seen him walking around. I just wanna get his head and slap it, then moisturise it, get some cocoa butter in that shit." I started creasing at the way he demonstrated rubbing on Mr. Herman’s head. He was too funny, and he had cheered me up a lot.

Unfortunately for me, he had to get off the bus as he was on his way to a friends. I stayed on and went all the way home. When I got in, I could hear my uncle's laughter all the way from the kitchen. I headed straight upstairs to my room; Claycia was in there reading a magazine comfortably on my bed. It was nice to know that they had settled in well.

I gave a weak smile. "Hey." She noticed me stood there and waved. I went to my wardrobe and changed into a comfortable pair of jeans along with a loose top. "What'ya reading?" She showed me the cover of the magazine and I nodded. "What did you do today?" 

"Your dad took us to the London Ben."

I laughed. "You mean the London Eye?"

"That's it." 

"Did you have fun?" She nodded and gave a warm smile. "Where's Diamond?" 

"With Andre at the park."

I nodded and got my coursework out. Usually I wasn't bothered, but it was overdue and needed to be complete. Whenever my Media teacher asked me I'd tell him where he can shove it, but today I had nothing better to do, so what the hell? I got started and went on my laptop which hadn't been opened for ages. After researching on Google and searching through different websites to support my hypothesis, I managed to get halfway through, but soon gave up. It was too long, fuck it. I decided to visit the fucked up world of Facebook and clicked straight onto Leon's. I noticed his status update from two hours ago.

Last day in hospital, some heads are gnna see wagwaan.

It was evident that it was directed at me especially. I simply shrugged and went to Olivia's. She hadn't updated anything in a full week. Don't tell me she's still in that bin? Shit.

I quickly signed out and left my laptop on the bed. 

"Can I use it?" Claycia asked. I handed it over to her and answered my phone as the ringtone sounded.

"Sugarflake." 

Grace chuckled lightly. "You sound better now. What you doing?" 

"Tried completing the evaluation for that Media coursework, but now I can't be fucked." 

"That was due two months ago." 

"Well sir can wait another two months." I got up and left the room. "What up though?" 

"I was wondering if you've seen Chris?" 

I raised a brow. "Not lately, why? Was he in today?" 

"No, he hasn't been in all week. I tried calling but his phone is off." 

I scratched my head in thought. "Try going to his yard." 

"I did just now but he weren't in. I'm scared, Becc's." 

"There's no reason to be. Ask Gavin, he should know; those two are bum chums." 

She sighed deeply. "Already did, no-one's seen him. I'm worried." 

"I'm sure he's okay, Pineapple, give it time. He'll turn up." 

"Hopefully." 

"Definitely." 

She was hesitant. "I'll call you back." 

"Bye." I locked off and went downstairs. I slid on my converses then headed to the kitchen. Uncle Clayton was on the phone, laughing loudly and banging his hand on the table. 

"Uncle, I'm going to a friends for a while."

He looked at me and nodded, then continued his conversation. Thank God he was occupied, I would've got a two hour interrogation session before being allowed to leave. I got my jacket on and quickly left before he changed his mind. I plugged my headphones in and walked down the road with my hands in my pockets. It was a chilly afternoon, barely anyone was in sight. I passed a group of boys and they all watched me in silence as I walked. I hate when that happens; I'm not a fucking model strutting down a catwalk. If only I could gouge their eyes out with a spork. Asswipes. 

"Becc's," a male voice called. I turned back to the group to see one of them approaching. He was dressed in all black, wearing a NY hat. I could barely see his face.

My frown deepened. "Who the hell are you?" He lifted his hat up and I sighed. D'Paulo. "I'm surprised you stopped calling me," I muttered sarcastically.

He laughed. "Got a new phone. You gonna holla with your number?" 

"Another time, I'm in a rush." He nodded in understanding.

"Aight, cool."

I smiled politely and walked off. He’s not getting jack-shit from me! I blew into my hands and felt unbelievably cold. I arrived at his door in a number of minutes and waited patiently after ringing the doorbell. He opened the door swiftly and smiled in the cute way he always did.

"I thought you weren't gonna come."

I laughed and stepped inside then closed the door. "Bullshit, I'm true to my word." He slid my jacket off and hung it on the hook. I thanked him and he nodded.

Tyreece and I had gotten closer lately, somehow. We'd been texting a lot more and our phone conversations went on for hours. He was a cool dude, just the fact he's related to that thing is a depressing thought in itself. I peered around the house; all electronics were turned off and the atmosphere was eerily quiet.

"Where's Zion?" I asked. He shrugged. "You should know; you got that twin telepathy shit going on."

He laughed and we headed upstairs. "Dunno where he is. He left in the morning, haven't heard from him since." 

"Oh." I nodded. That prick. 

"He's been pissed lately though," he mused, sitting on his bed. 

"Why?" 

"Olivia ain't been answering his calls, he's getting suspicious." I quickly turned away and stared at his lava lamp. I smiled to myself at the revelation and immediately changed the subject.

"That's so cool!" I walked over to the lamp. He chuckled, amused by my excitement. I analysed the bubbles floating and poked at the glass. "You actually have this in your room. Fucking brilliant."

He scratched his head. "My mum bought it for me so..." he mumbled. Aww he was still cute, even though he attempted to push me in the road that one time. I cooed. What a cute, dangerous thug.

"I swear you're the cutest boy I know. Well not cuter than Zaine, but close."

He laughed quietly. "Dunno whether or not to say thank you to that." I smiled and kicked off my shoes. I sat on his floor and crossed my legs. He watched me curiously. "What are you doing?"

I shrugged and stretched tiredly. I really need to catch some more shut-eye. "Soooo, what did I have to come here for?"

"Nothing, I just wanted to spend some time with you."

I nodded. How cute. "Can I paint your nails?"

He raised a brow in question. "Why?"

"It'll be fun." I grinned. I remember the first time Kayden came round mine and I persuaded him to allow me to paint his nails. Then dad saw the nail polish and became suspicious on Kayden's sexual orientation. Seems like a long time ago. Now that I think about it, he'd do anything for me. Hmm.

Ty laughed and shook his head. "I'd rather watch a movie. You wanna?" 

"Which one?" 

"You can pick if you want." He got up and went over to his shelf. I looked carefully. White Chicks? Nah...seen that too many times. Bad Boys? Been there, done that. My eyes widened. 

"'Why Did I Get Married Too'! Yes!" That film is the one! He laughed and took it off the shelf. 

"Let's watch it downstairs, it's better." I nodded in agreement. "I'll be down in a minute. There's popcorn in the cupboard." 

"Alright." I headed downstairs to the kitchen and over to the cupboard. I grabbed a bowl and poured the toffee popcorn inside then went to the living-room. I turned the TV on and waited patiently. After a few minutes he entered the room with the DVD and a blanket. I watched as he put it in and changed the channel. It loaded straight away and he sat beside me. I shivered. 

"Gimme some of that," I ordered, pulling at the blanket. He laughed and I sat between his legs with the covers over our bodies. As the film went on, we shared the popcorn and laughed together at the stupid parts. I could hear Tyreece tapping away on his phone but wasn't really bothered about it, plus it was getting to the good part.

Soon the film ended, and I had been laughing so much that I became even more tired. I turned to the clock. Eight-thirty. I sighed happily and yawned, still shivering.

"You cold?" I heard from behind. I nodded and he rubbed my bare arms slowly beneath the blanket in order to warm me up. Strangely it was working. 

"That feels more like a massage," I noticed.

He laughed. "It's not supposed to be." 

"Feels like it." 

"But it's not." 

"Feels like it should be." 

"Nuh-uh." 

"Uh-huh."

He smiled and carried on rubbing my arms, it gradually turned into stroking. "Should I stop?" 

"Nah, you need to do my shoulders cos that feels too good." He laughed and slid his hands up to my shoulders, massaging my skin softly. I smiled in response. "Good boy." 

"I'm not your pet."

"Play your cards right and you could be." 

"Don't wanna be."

I glanced at him. "Since when did you back chat me?" 

"Since today."

I tutted in annoyance. "You're not supposed to answer."

He laughed and continued his gentle caressing. "You know what this needs?" I shook my head. "Oil."

"I'm not that tense." 

"You are, loosen your shoulders up a bit."

I rolled my eyes. "How?" 

"Just relax." I sighed and he done it more vigorously. 

"That actually feels good," I complimented.

He chuckled. "I used to do this for Olivia every time she came round." 

"Oh, isit?" 

"Mm. Didn't know it felt so good though." 

"It actually does. You have talent." I felt my phone vibrate and checked my phone. Maybe it was Kayden. My face changed when I realised I was wrong.

—I'm thinking of quitting work.

Do yu think I should? 

Stace x

I raised a brow and kissed my teeth. How dare she even consider it! I replied with a very angry message, explaining how I'd burn her alive if she were to ever quit...that's when I felt a soft kiss to my neck. I froze and laughed lightly.

"Ty, what are you doing?" I questioned, still gaping at my phone.

He didn't answer, instead he done it again and it made me giggle. That actually tickled. I turned back to peer at him; his face was straight and stern, no actual trace of a smile. He looked serious if anything. It wasn't cute either, it was actually scary. 

"What's wrong?" I asked, feeling slightly apprehensive.

He leaned closer and kissed me gently on the lips; a short, sweet kiss. I was left stunned. He breathed on my lips and licked his own. I swallowed hard and peered into his hard eyes. We had strong eye-contact for roughly five seconds, and then I hastily looked away. I quickly stood up and scratched my head.

"Erm, I should get going now..." I announced hesitantly. He nodded and I hurriedly slid everything back on. He walked me to the door and I opened it, watching me intently. Something had changed him in a matter of minutes; he was a completely different person at the moment. I noticed his solid gaze and furrowed brow. Something was bothering him all of a sudden, and I had no idea what.

"I'll call you," he muttered. I nodded and left. Goddamn, that was random! I walked home thinking of what the fuck just happened. I had never been so confused before up until this moment. I didn't understand how and why it happened, but it did, and I did nothing to stop it. But why? Was I scared to? No...that wasn't it. Maybe I liked it too much. I gritted my teeth and shook my head. Things were getting slightly altered; the world is turning fucking insane...

The room was spinning. Literally spinning. My heart pounded fiercely in my chest. I traced my tongue over my top lip, ridding it of the perspiration caused by this activity. Our sweat rubbed off on each other and our bodies writhed and connected in more ways than one. His skin felt so soft against mine, as well as his cushioned lips. 

Each kiss to my neck and face left a trail of tingles. The body heat was overwhelming; I took short rapid breaths and clenched my fists. The stuffy, humid air didn't help my situation either. His almond-shaped eyes peered directly into mine lovingly, and then he paused, ceasing all necessary movement. I squeezed my eyes shut.

"I love you, Ree," he whispered in a husky tone. I held onto his shoulders and swallowed hard. I could imagine him now; smiling down at me, his chin accompanied by his distinct dimple.

"Me too," I panted. "You need to m-move," I pleaded.

He chuckled and pecked me on the lips once more before starting his rhythm again. He gave long, tender strokes, sucking on my neck as he did so, earning more soft moans to escape my lips. The feeling was extraordinary. He moved slowly, allowing me to relish in the feel of his length. He pushed deeper and my back arched.

"Fuck! Kayden..." I ran my hands over his sweaty back as he proceeded.

"Tell me how you want it," he breathed on my lips. I opened my eyes and shuddered at the amazing sensation.

"Deeper," I requested.

He complied, pushing even further inside. I chewed on my bottom lip and stifled a moan. Despite it being painful, there was always a hint of pleasure. The two elements mixed together were amazing.

"That better?" he whispered.

I nodded eagerly. "Yeah, now slower," I groaned. He slowed down his pace even more; I found my nails sinking into the taut muscles of his back. "Shit..." I hissed.

"Tell me you love me," he demanded, resting on his forearms for improved strokes.

My eyelids squeezed tighter together. "I...I already told you," I gasped as he rocked me gently.

"Not properly." My thighs trembled and the goosebumps re-surfaced. He buried his face in my neck and kissed my skin gently.

"You know I do," I cried.

"Do I?" he asked softly. I nodded; this made him go even deeper. I sputtered and he kissed my earlobe. "Say it properly," he ordered.

"Argh, Kayden!"

He stopped all movement again. "Ree," he muttered. I sighed deeply; he was just resting inside of me doing nothing. This was unfair!

"I love you," I whispered. I opened my eyes once more to see his languid smile.

"Yeah?" 

"Yesss, keep moving, please!" He laughed and picked up the rhythm again. I sighed again, this time in satisfaction. My thighs felt incredibly weak, I knew that I would be reaching the end soon.

"This is where I belong; inside you," he murmured. A smile tugged at my lips as he kissed me deeply...

My eyes opened slowly and I looked at the clock. 3:05AM. I sighed and realised I was hugging onto my pillow. I sat up and scratched my head. That was the second sexual dream in total. I had to find a way to put a stop to this. I felt disgusted with myself. Then again, dreaming about Kayden made up for all the time we had lost together since his aunt died.

I peered around; it was very dark and quiet, soft snores emitted from Claycia as she slept soundly on the pull-out bed. I had work in roughly eight hours, but I refused to go back to sleep just in case. I sat there and stared into the darkness. I wondered what he was up to. I really wanted to see him, or at least hear his voice. 

I reached around for my phone, when I found it I called him and waited patiently. I was surprised when he actually answered. I hadn't spoken to him since that fateful day. He breathed though the phone and I sighed before lying back down. Thank God he answered; I don't know what I'd do.

"You don't have to say anything; I just needed to call you." 

"..." 

"I'm not gonna ask you if you're okay. I know you're not." 

"..." 

I sighed and rubbed my face. "I miss you. I actually miss being with you. I know it hasn't even been a week, but I really do miss your company. Just know I'm here for you. Anything you need, I'm here." 

He remained silent, still breathing through the phone. It actually upset me, knowing how drastically his mood had changed over the last few days. But could I blame him? 

"Say something, please. I can't take it. At least one thing."

"Her funeral, next Thursday. I want you there." 

I sighed in relief; hearing his voice again was the best right now. "I'll come." 

"Mm." 

I scratched my head nervously. "Should I call you back?" 

"Come round." 

I glanced at the clock. "Now?" He didn't answer. "Alright, gimme ten minutes." He locked off and I got up. I wasn't even tired. I didn't make an effort either; I just slid my shoes and leather jacket over my pyjamas. I got my phone and keys then snuck out the house unnoticed.

Kayden

I stood there at the window taking my last draw. I exhaled then threw it out the window. I could see her walking from where I stood; hands in pockets and a solemn look on her face. I had already left the front door open for her to enter. The house was extremely quiet; I was probably the only one awake right now. I continued to stand by the window, peering outside at nothing in particular. I noticed a lone car drive past and leaned on the window-sill. 

"Did I wake you?" I heard from behind. I shook my head and heard her footsteps come closer. "Have you slept?" I shook my head again and felt her hand rest on my shoulder. I turned to face her sentimental expression. "You're gonna be tired."

I looked back out the window. She sighed and sat on my bed. After a few minutes of silence I noticed she had gotten under the covers, peering at the ceiling absentmindedly. I slid my shirt off and joined her in the bed. She rested her head on my shoulder and rubbed my chest in a soothing manner. 

"Why don't you try sleeping?" she suggested. I aired her and she sighed. "Are you gonna keep ignoring me?"

I shook my head, analysing the cracks in the ceiling. "Nah." 

"When are you coming back to work?" I shrugged. She breathed deeply and fiddled with my hair. "I'm worried about you," she whispered. 

"Don't be." 

"But I am; when you're like this I can't be happy either." Her hands shifted to my cheek as she rubbed my face softly. The gesture was relaxing. 

"She went too soon," I muttered.

She nodded in understanding. "I know, but you have a lot of good memories with her. She'll always be with you in spirit."

I turned to her. "You'll be with me too, init?"

She raised a brow. "What do you mean?" 

"You'll stay with me. Even through the worst of things you'll stay. No matter what either of us has done, you'll still be there."

She nodded without hesitation. "I will. Promise."

"I can't let someone like you slip out my life." 

"I'll never go Kayden, don't worry."

I watched her closely. Her face said it all. Right there and then, she was serious. She said she'd never leave and I believed her. I gently pecked her on the lips and pulled away, but she leaned closer and kissed me fully. I was stunned at first, this was the first time she had ever carried a kiss on. A warm feeling washed over me and my muscles relaxed as her tongue trailed the opening of my mouth. She soon pulled away and made a weird face. 

"Were you smoking?" I nodded. She sighed and I held her tight. "I'm tired." 

"Sleep then."

She breathed deeply and closed her eyes. It didn't take her long to fall asleep, and it gave me time to think. Since she passed, this house has just been filled with silence. I aired every single call and stayed in this room for days. Nothing was the same. Mum cried every hour of the day and Zaine sketched different pictures of her and stuck them up on his wall. 

I've only left the house once. No fresh air, no company, I didn't want any. Of course, Ree was an exception. It's as if without her here, everyone's lost. Rebecca was right, I should have spent more time with her, otherwise I'd regret it—and already I do. I noticed she was fidgeting beside me, clutching onto my arm in need. Her breathing became heavy and her lips parted.

"Kayden..." she moaned.

I looked at her. "What?"

Her eyes were still shut. Her body language changed completely as she balled her hands into fists. "Mmm...Kay-den..."

I didn't understand what she was doing, but I wasn't in the mood to try and figure it out. Every day I felt like destroying something and it pissed me off that I was helpless against everything now. I just wanted to see her again. To be able to see her smile, laugh, or even cry. The saddest thing was that I knew that I couldn't, not anymore. I won't ever see her do any of those things again.

That's what pissed me off the most.